The Spoon Theory and grasping what FMS is like

Though the spoon theory was originally written about having lupus it accurately describes what a lot of people with "invisible diseases" go through on a daily basis. Often people with neurological illnesses or internal illnesses dont necessarily manifest their sickness on the outside. This means to the average person they dont "look sick" even though they may be suffering on a moment by moment basis every day. I often have to explain to people that I can no longer do a lot of the things that i used to do before I got diagnosed, such as go for a run, play sports, go out drinking all night in smoky bars, staying up late and getting up early, the list goes on and on. I pay dearly for each choice I make every day and I must choose wisely or I will pay dearly, My days take planning and I dont cope well any longer with changes in plans or quick invites to go do something at the last minute. I cant just hop out of bed and go meet friends for breakfast on a sunday morning. I need to know the day before so i can get plenty of rest and get up in time to go through my hour + long ritual of getting ready and getting moving before I get out the door. The spoon theory has become my easy simple way of sharing with I go through with people. So..... here it is for you to read at your leisure.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

Prescriptions

So its been a bit of a rough day already and its only 9:20. So much for enjoying my impromptu day off. I really wonder sometimes if doctors have even the slightest clue what they do to us when they take their sweet damn time refilling our prescriptions or calling in new ones. The slightest fluxuations in our medication levels, or missing even one dose of something can send someone with Fms into a pain flare for days or even weeks. I seriously sometimes wonder if doctors know any more than the general public about our disease or how things really effect us. Well im going to back to spending my morning trying to sleep and writhing in achey pain. Hopefully the bacon wrapped oysters I am supposed to enjoy this evening with my bestie Liz will make it all better. At least my tummy and my soul will be happy. I've been craving some girl times!

Fms and the double taxation of being a woman.

So I was going to wake up this morning and write baby making part 2. That plan went right out the window when the wrath of eve came down upon me. Sometimes I really hate the fact that im a woman with Fms. Its pretty twisted sense of humor the universe has to afflict the disease of Fms on a mostly female population who already has to deal with the monthly emotional and physical pain of menstruation. Additionally most women with Fms have some sort of reproductive complication such as myself having Endomitriosis. Endo makes my cycles so painful I often can't get out of bed without crying. When you slap this on top of my continuous Fms pain issues it makes for a pretty crappy week in the middle of every month.

I guess the really twisted part is that until today, my cycle had been relatively calm and demure. I should have know better than to think it would actually last. Especially when I was supposed to go to the dentist and then out on a date tonight. Im still going to the dentist,  but I postponed the date. I guess im just a glutton for punishment. Thankfully the gentlemen is just that and totally understood.

On a side note not one of the compression tank-tops I bough yesterday fit right. Now I have to return them all. I have found I really like these "shaper" tops as they givr mild relief to some of my back and abdominal pain and help stop some of the mild pain and stress anxiety I can get. Plus they keep me looking shapely and I actually find they make me eat less because I always feel full or as if my clothes are too tight.

Well back under the covers and to cuddle with my heating pad and the furbabies until its time for the dentist.

Making Babies

Since being diagnosed i have struggled a great deal with the idea of children, my ability to procreate, and whether or not id be able to have and adequately raise children while trying to cope with the daily challenges that come with FMS. I finally decided to have a discussion with my Ob-gyn at my annual visit about the possibilities of this ever happening, He said is was definitely possible, especially since my surgery in 2008 got most of my endomitriosis and the lupron and birth control had kept it in check. The only problem would be that i would basically need to get off of every single medication I was on that made my daily function manageable and kept my pain in check (sort of). Dr. H and I decided that we would do a test run and see if i could manage weening off of one drug at a time in very small steps to see if my body could even handle the possibility of this happening. We decided to start with Effexor since this is both one of the hardest drugs to get off of and could be the most harmful to a fetus. Dr. H wrote me a tapering schedule and the prescription and sent me on my way. He also mentioned that under no circumstance was I to stop taking my BC until my system was clean and safe. I managed to titrate all the way down to half a dose before my pain became a struggle. I have now been at this level for a couple of weeks to see if staying here would make it any easier to deal with. It hasn't.  

I had a conversation with my mom last week about all of this and she agreed with me that it might actually be in my own physical, emotional and spiritual benefit to not have a child and to focus on taking the best care of myself as I can and to try and be the healthiest happiest person I can be. The real possibility is that having a baby would ultimately make my medical condition worse and cause me to be in more pain from stress and lack of sleep. This state would not make for the best parenting or home environment for a growing child or a family in general..Its a hard pill to swallow as I have worked with children in some facet for most of my life and I've dreamed about having a family since i could dream. But in the end it is likely the best for everyone involved I guess my children are just going to have to be furry and four legged! Plus if I get well at some point later on in my life I can always adopt a child in need and give them a great loving home!